"So what's a Family Night?" you may ask. "What makes this night any different than any other night of the week?"
If your family is anything like mine you share the struggle of finding time for "family." Night after night, kids' sports, youth clubs and miscellaneous events draw our children away. At times Marty, my husband, is required to work late, and I find myself juggling meetings and speaking engagements.
Family Night in our home is a night when we say "no" to all other activities. It's a night we have committed to none other than our family.
I still remember our first official Family Night. It happened quite by accident, yet it began a journey that we're still traveling fifteen years later.
There we were, the five of us; Marty, Jenna age six, Jason age four, precious Joel, barely three months old, and I, sitting in the den staring at each other. Taped to the wall were posters Jason and "Daddy" had made. "WELCOME HOME" they said in bright colors, for this was the first night in months that we were all home—together.
The past few weeks had been horrendous, yet full of miracles. Tonight was a reason to celebrate! Earlier that day, both Jenna and Joel had been released from the hospital. Now, we listened to the steady beat of Joel's heart while watching the red light flash on the monitor. Being born premature, he was our little bundle of joy! Jenna sat on the floor next to Jason. Still adjusting to insulin shots and not quiet understanding the life-challenges juvenile diabetes would bring, Jenna was looking at her daddy as if she were waiting for him to say something profound.
"We're so lucky to be a family," Marty said.
"Yeah, lucky," echoed Jason.
Within minutes, Marty pulled a book from the shelf and began reading Little Visits With God, by Allan Hart Jahsman and Martin Simon. This had been my favorite devotional book as a child, and now it captivated the hearts and minds of my children. After the story, Marty asked Jenna and Jason the questions from the bottom of the page. By their answers, we could tell they had listened intently and grasped the lesson of the day.
"Is there something you would like us to pray about?" Marty asked the children. Secretly, I was saying, ME, ME, I have something! Pray that I can…. It was this exact moment I realized that our responsibilities as parents would include teaching our children "how" to live with their special needs. I also realized that as Christian parents, we not only needed to teach our children in Whom they could put their trust, but that God was trustworthy.
While listening to Marty talk with our children, I had a thought. Even though Marty and I had little control over many circumstances in our lives and felt overwhelmed by them, there were some things that were in our control, giving us choices to make. It was our choice as to what type of father and mother our children would have. We were to determine what type of home our children would experience. It's hard to teach a contagious faith if my kids don't see it lived out in me, I thought.
The children were incredible. Instead of reciting a lengthy list of prayer requests and needs, one simply said, "Pray that Joel's alarm doesn't go off, and let's thank God for today!"
"Yeah," the other one readily agreed.
After our prayer, the kids rounded the corner into the kitchen and opened the cupboards. "What's for snack?" they asked at once. The Cheerios never tasted so good!
"We should do this more often," Jenna announced.
"Do what?" I asked quizzically.
"Celebrate our family! Like we did tonight at 'Family Night!'"
Thus began Family Nights in the Mitchell home. Nights we would cherish and nights to celebrate being a family.
You may ask, "So what made this night different from any other night your family gathered in your den? What made this night Family Night and not just Sunday, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday night?"
I smile when I think about my answer. Up until this night, Marty and I had lived out our Christian faith before our children. Our children had seen us make good choices, attend church, read our Bibles, and be good citizens. They had seen us make mistakes, blow our cool and ask for forgiveness. Yet it was at this first Family Night that we realized we needed to take the time and make sure our children understood the "whys" behind our choices, behaviors and priorities. Family Night became a time when we clarified the "whys" behind our actions.
"How do we know God will take care of Jenna and Joel?" Jason asked that first night his siblings were home from the hospital.
Opening his Bible, Marty turned to Joshua 1:5. "God tells us in His Word that He will never leave us or forsake us."
"For… what?" Jenna asked.
"Forsake us." Marty replied. "'Forsake' is a big word, but it means that God will never quit caring for us."
"Well, how do we know this for sure?" Jason asked, wanting the facts.
Taking a book off the shelf, Marty held it high. "What will happen if I let go of this book?"
"It will fall to the ground," Jenna rushed to answer.
"You're right. What goes up must come down. We know that every time we hold something up high it will fall to the ground when we let go of it. That's called 'gravity.' Gravity holds your feet to the ground. It keeps your body from floating off like a balloon. Gravity is an invisible force that God designed to keep order in our world. Without gravity we'd be drifting off in space. We don't have to worry that it may not show up tomorrow. It always is and simply will be!"
It was obvious. Our first Family Night had been a success! After a grand celebration of being a family, our children were able to go to sleep reassured that just as real and consistent as the gravity He created, God would never forsake them.
We believe that every family who takes the challenge of creating a Family Night is headed for an awesome experience. Just as He did for us, God will show up. Your family will be blessed beyond your imaginations.
Fifteen years have now passed since our family took the plunge and began a weekly Family Night. Just last week our kids, now ages ranging from fifteen to twenty-one, came to Family Night! Instead of a family master calendar, they came with day planners and laptops. Instead of praying that they would perform their best at their next T-ball game, we prayed for them as they are in the process of making life decisions of colleges and careers.
Looking back, Marty and I know that our Family Nights were nights when we gather together for fun with a purpose. They were a time we instilled our Christian beliefs and values in our children. They helped us provide our children with a biblical foundation. They were times we committed to them, offering affirmation, guidance, communication, acceptance, encouragement, and understanding. At Family Nights, we shared together, worshiped together, and prayed together. We played games, laughed, and celebrated being a family.
Your family can celebrate right along with ours. Whatever the makeup and size of your family, a two parent home, single parent, foster parents, grandparents, and even an aunt or uncle who's found yourself parenting a quiver full or a single child home—your family can experience the reality of Family Nights!
Use my books, Hands-on Faith: Family Nights andHands-on Faith: Family Fun (published by Carson-Dellosa) as tools in creating your Family Nights. These books contain the basics and several family fun ideas. From kids to parents sharing their ideas you will discover the "how tos" and "highlights" of a successful family night. The following are a few suggestions taken from these books:
- Choose a night of the week that will work best for your family and deem it to be Family Night. It's clear that a "Family Night" must be scheduled or it may not happen. If for some reason you are unable to meet on that night due to a conflict, simply move Family Night to the next available night. REMAIN FLEXIBLE!
- Keep it simple! The fewer the rules you make regarding Family Nights, the fewer rules you will break! The rules that work for us are: 1) attendance to the best of one's ability 2) respect for one another 3) participation.
- Make sure that your Family Night time length is age appropriate. If your children are preschoolers, make Family Nights last no more than fifteen minutes.
- Family Nights do not require a seminarian to conduct them. What they do require is a willing parent, a little bit of time and great expectations!
- Take the pressure off yourselves. Purchasing the first devotional book may be a "joint venture" with Mom, Dad and the entire family, but keep an eye out for book two and have it ready to be used the moment it's needed.
- Make Family Nights FUN! Use the ideas from the Hands-on Faithseries and "excite" "fascinate" and "wow" your kids with the things of God. Have fun with family and friends while deepening their faith and teaching values. Discover fun ways to worship. Including a Veggie Talemovie or a video from the Bible Collection Series is a great idea. Why nothave a ball answering the questions on the Hands-On Faith family Fun or Hands-On Faith Family Mission Statement Beach Balls?
- Give each family member a "job," a Family Night responsibility.Individual family members may lead a few songs, pick a game, lead prayer, read the devotional and plan a special snack.
- Share prayer requests and pray for each other. Remember to pray for what's important. Include praying for your kid's friends!
- Touch bases and review the week to come. Kids appreciate knowing ahead of time when Dad will be gone on a business trip and when Mom has that important meeting. Parents, on the other hand, need to know the dates and times of kids' games, church events, slumber parties, and more. I believe families who plan together, and manage their time, are able tomake time, for each other, their busy lives, and God.
- Create a Family Mission Statement. Define your beliefs, values and goals. Use the Family Mission Statement game and questions found in the Hands-on Faith: Family Nights book tohelp you create your Family Mission Statement.
- Use Family Nights as a time to talk about what's important. This can provide a "safe place" for questions to be asked, gripes to be aired, and games to be played. Allowances can be given and chores assigned. Funny stories from the past week can be told, and God's Word can be read, deepening the faith of your family members.
The "tools" above are just a few of the ideas you might use to develop a Family Night. Now you and your family can explore ways in which you can mold the suggestions; altering them to fit your family's personality, stages in life, needs and desires.
We believe that every family that takes the challenge of creating a weekly Family Night is headed for an awesome experience. Just as He did for us, God will show up, and your family will be blessed beyond your imaginations. He will truly make yourFamily Nights—nights to remember!